That night. This event. Wasn't actually compulsory on the attendance and also wearing the costumes of my own ethnic. But I did wore, and went as well. This carnival actually made me realize a lot of things. Began thinking about what I've said when I was little. I was so daunt to say that I wanna be only Chinese and speaks Mandarin. I was ruthless, and ignorance back then. Now, I regret for not being able to speak my own mother tongue, and didn't like going back to my grandparents when I was approaching the age of teenage. I used to like going back when I was little, because I can swim in the river as long as I want whenever I want (until my aunt or dad take rotan to chase us out from the rivers :P), how I could run around the village to anyway I want (remembering I "stole" a fallen papaya with my brother when I was "hunting and exploring around"), every corner I turn to are with people who knows my father, and most of us are blood related. Until I understands that I can't really communicate with people around me, kids the same age began grouping up and I don't understand what they're saying at all. Until I realize I didn't have people to talk to, and nowhere to go, no one to follow. My brother begin making friends with my cousins and teenage boys from the village, and hormones just diminished all the courage I have to socialize with them. I rebel, and hate talking to adults. Every time I'm criticized, I exaggerate the words in my mind and feel like the whole world's against me. So I decided that I didn't like going back to my grandparents. Even when I do, I shut out from people, I stay inside the house, not eating sometimes, dislike the river, and totally not going out to mix with people. It wasn't a really great memory back then, I began to reject my dad's offer in going back the village, and will follow back only if my mum does, because she's like the one person that I can really really talk to.
And then in a sudden, it clicked. I grew up. And understands a little more than I did in the past. I see what others don't have where I've got them. I see how stupid of me to not appreciate the specialties and differences I have in living experiences. I could have the best of both worlds, there are real jungles where I could go breathe the fresh air without effort and without excuses whenever I wanted to, when I'm tired of looking at concrete jungles. I live in the rural areas where it's all slow paced and relaxing; I live in the city areas where I could have real education with good supporting facilities and learn about how the world and society works. Too, I've learnt to communicate with people at different age, especially aunties and uncles. They all have stories to tell, and are experts in everything they do everyday. They are the ones with real patience, they do practically the same thing daily and not even complain at all; And the ones with real pure kind heart that humbly work just for their living expenses. Not for the fortune and profits they charged what they reaped from hard work of sowing. They sell what they had just to only have a little extra to give their families a living. They didn't want and didn't ask for many, they wanted to live, and most of them saves the extras they have and cherish everything reaped like diamonds. It may be hard to see smiles on their faces, but it's never hard to make them smile :)
Back in the village, it was how the cities are 10 years ago; Here in the city, is now; And the internet, is a little vision of how future will be like. You asked if I've been on a time machine, I'd probably say yes. I was blessed to have the life that I feel like I'm living in different timelines in the only one life I have.
Chynne - Pengantin Bajau :DDDDD
Eileen, Joyce, Chloe, Freda:)
Bidayuh costume :)
Chyne and Itah :)