Monday, July 21, 2014

回家。

这次我隔了最长时间才回到家,这次回来虽然也不是很久,可是就感觉特别不一样。

昨天坐在母堂里,心想,我好幸福,因为我能回来一个我成长熟悉的地方,身边的人虽然有些些变化,但那毕竟是生活。回到真道堂的那感觉我好喜欢。记得每每回来时,我都会算一算自己会有机会参加几次崇拜,几次团契。数目只要超过一只手,我就已经很满足开心了。

每次回来看见妈妈我都会无时无刻随随便便的叫很多次 “妈咪”, 然后曾有机会的时候抱抱她。比较难见到爸爸, 常常回家前我都会先下命令要他煮吃的给我。哈哈哈。没办法啊,为了让爸爸在家,只能做出这个要求,不然他又从早做到晚上呀。

这次回家,我带了好多书,因为深知道,把它们留在大学我也不会去唸。呵呵。这次回来,我也带了一个很大的烦恼回来。可是。我相信上帝必有祂的旨意,祂一定会很快给我答案的。

There's a few things I wanna do this time back home.
- Finish those unread novels I brought back!
- Self study the whole level 2 Japanese text book!
- Stay closer to God.
- Join 30 hours famine without fainting. Lol.
- Spend more time with my family of course! Go see popo kongkong. Balik kampung also!
- Jaga my face properly T^T and also make sure instead of loosing weight I won't gain any weight!
- Go out with friends! Movie kaki, best friends, go for fellowship! ^_^
- Have a little outcome in playing piano and guitar. I bought a mic hahaha dreaming wanna sing and record lol think I'm an artist meh. But this time round I seriously wanna compose something new.
- Focus on God and join mission conference and mission trip with a proper heart of serving the Lord.

A lot kan? Hehehehe hopefully this 6 weeks is enough for me to do all that. 

其实,回到家的自己常常都不太爱上网。OK so, I'll get back in having a life now. Hahahahha I'll blog soon I hope!

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Midnight scrambled thoughts.

Greetings from UKM, one an a half hour after midnight. (Guess I'll finish this 2 or 3 hours later) Seems like I'm back into night-owl sessions instead of staying conscious in the morning huh.

So this will be more of a wordy post since I'm lazy to go through any pictures and yes I'm in a writing mood right now. As always, this will be randomly written with no writing orders.

I just finished my first ever varsity year in UKM. (Actually that was weeks ago but I went to Japan so I delayed maybe like 3 weeks?) Through it all I know I'm far from blessed to things and knowledge I learnt and picked up along the way be it academically or through experience.

To me, one year has passed by with not very great impressions and neither it has any impact on me. I can't seem to 'find myself' for the first semester and also the first half of second semester. I only get the impression or feeling that I'm a degree student only starts at the second half of second semester in first year. Which is, 9 months after staying in UKM.

Since then everything started to make sense and I can finally follow the pace of being a degree student. Finally. To me it wasn't that late, I hope. And through some programmes I joined and friends I've met here, I get to know myself more, and what I wanted to achieve in the future seems to get clearer.

Thank God for everything.

Here's a little something off track that I wanna share about myself, this might hurt my future CV I think but I like it better if I'm more honest with my feelings. I don't wanna hide anything about me and I must write this out because I can't keep it for myself.

To be honest, via academically, I didn't quite learn a lot. I thought it might be the way where I see things have affected me to think so and I find it my very big weakness that I have no idea how to change. You see, starting second semester I blame on the academic system where I have to learn business and statistics since it's like not very related to my course. But then it does. It's just me that thinks that I'm no good in learning things related with figures that make me a little bias. So that's me. But I thank God He got me through all without giving up while making complaints. I thank God He gave me chances to learn with a bunch of cute friend and also with Dr.Vivian that sincerely and genuinely guided us through the learning process. Of course I'm not satisfy with the effort or attitude I have for this semester academically, but I'm glad I pull through everything without giving up.

Lesson learnt: I can differentiate what I didn't like but I must learn to upgrade the level of tolerance towards things that I thought I couldn't accept. Not everything you do will suit your likings, despite all changes and differences, you should learn to accept and learn for the better. No rugi too if I have extra knowledge right.

Next. Via hands-on programmes. Throughout this one year, honestly I say, I found out that I have an extreme attitude towards people, if it’s neither ways, then you’re in my neutral list of people.

I normally wouldn't have any opinion towards anybody, until you did something that caught my attention. I've learnt that I have the weaknesses in not being able to tolerate certain attitude and consider you as the ‘bad person’ immediately after you pick on my nerves FOR AFTER SOME PERIOD. I won’t judge you right after you do something wrong, but it kinda piles up and boom, there goes our relationship. Into ashes. Normally after you’re categorized as being so, it will need a lot of time for my opinion to change about one person.

But I normally wouldn't feel sorry for having this kind of attitude. I have my own limits but I cannot deny my way of settling things wasn't as matured enough to stay in the real world. Then again I think that’s being me. I like being honest with myself and towards people. Unless I know you’re the kind that wouldn't listen to other people advises then yes, I would not waste my thoughts or saliva on you.

Lord tells us to forgive our enemies. I can do that with time, but first let God’s love and time heal my wound.

By the way. This post wasn't written to aim on someone particular. It just kinda sums up some thoughts after learning myself better. I’m glad I learnt my weaknesses throughout this one year. I hope through time I’ll change for the better, and I will act more professional in future occurrence. Hopefully the same thing wouldn't repeat though.

Lord help me.