Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Rounding all up.

Self-realization:  Recently have been overactive on the net where many times I did it unconsciously even in a crucial time like this. Excuse much. Still in the struggle of reducing it. :O

So anyways, I've been urged to write this for some certain purpose. And since my last post was a little depressing, which may picture I'm in a negative situation which I'm not.... Here.

Testimony - College Version

Similar to choosing the secondary school I wanted to go, applying Matriculation seems like one of the things I “feel” like what I’m supposed and always wanted to do. Even when I didn’t know what it’ll be like coming here then. I suppose, no. I believe that God planted this thought in my mind long ago, where, as time passed I can somehow vision my life’s puzzle pieces mixed and matched.

Undeserving but blessed, I got accepted into Matriculation even with not-so-good-SPM-result, and frankly, I always believed that coming here is a second chance given by God. Never before I’ve taken accounting in my life, and not really a great friend with figures and calculation, I was blessed to get good results in the first semester of Matriculation. Never before I’ve really appreciate myself as a mixed blood of Bidayuh and Chinese (Real crazy thoughts back then huh), coming here into Matriculation made me treasured and cherish who I really am and grateful that I was blessed with the experience of living in two types of culture. I was blessed with awesome friends, lecturers, roommates and there’s a lot more to be list out.

At first it was all okay, days passed and I count my blessings every day. Day by day I cling to God, seek Him, praise Him and also crave to find peace in Him. I tried to keep a good testimony as deep down, I intended to influence my dad and also the people’s life I cared so that they can see God’s work on me they could accept Christ into their lives. Until phenomenal occurrence that happened and stories started to spread, my faith begin to shake and slowly, I blinded myself from seeing His grace, deafen myself to hear His words, and numbed myself to feel his presence.

Even though that continued for quite a while, because of the fear still ongoing phenomenal occurrence, never did I dare to skip morning group devotions with other fellowship members and also Sunday Service. I try to force myself to pray, read God’s word. Sad but predictable, all that attempt and effort somehow failed because I received nothing from Him.  There’s still no peace in my heart that I once felt and everything seems to make me feel discontent.

Even so, God’s mercy approached me and I realized my intention of seeking God was wrong. Through humble friends who are with rich wisdom of God, the weekly morning devotion and sharing has actually taught me a lot. I realized that I seek God, crave God and was blessed because I love God, and He loves me. Thank God, with His Great unconditional love, my eyes and ears were opened again.  Even when it all started with the wrong intention, slowly, He now leads me to walk on the right path without fear.

Even with Finals and UPU application that’s constantly bugging the peace in my heart, through God, I’ll stubbornly have faith in Him where I know that He knows my world, my life plan, like the palm of His hands. No matter how future will be, I’ll walk with him and do what I was supposed to by keeping a good testimonial, and let Him to do the rest.

My journey of faith fluctuated dynamically throughout these 10 months, but I thank God, I am constantly overflowing with His blessings, even with the ups and downs.

#little notes and whispers from God that'll get me through the days

Peeeeeeeeeeaas. This will be the last post and I'll continue posting after Matriculation ends. Which is, very very soon. :)
Cheers and God Bless!

Sunday, April 7, 2013


I'm literally bugged by my own complicated thoughts. Normally I could define my own feelings after just a little while, but this constant change of different thoughts eventually just make me want to throw it all out and shut my mind away from everything.

Ranking top in my worry list is choosing the courses for future studies in university. It's no joke but I really don't like this wide range of choices. I don't like to know that I have a lot of options to choose from. Even though in the end it's not about the best decision I'd make, but the best I'd make out of my decisions, I still can't decide on what to decide. There. Now I'm confused by my own words.

Second. Is this farewell thingy. Less than a month there'll be no more college life for me. Unless I repeat. Lol freak I seriously wouldn't want that day to come. At this point now where my mood is too bugged by certain people and issues, I can't wait to fast forward to the future part where all these were only just memories I sometimes would miss. Like seriously.

Third. My studying progress. Eyebags. Pimples. Wrinkles. Rashes (Hot weather recently) ARE SO UNAVOIDABLE. Even though I'll sleep whenever I can cause that's kinda like a no-win situation even when I forced myself to study. Unlike the first semester, now I refer to notes while I study and having to finish my assignment. I can't be independent on reference books and notes and that actually meant that I'm in very big trouble. Ohdearrrrr.