Midnight scrambled thoughts.

Greetings from UKM, one an a half hour after midnight. (Guess I'll finish this 2 or 3 hours later) Seems like I'm back into night-owl sessions instead of staying conscious in the morning huh.

So this will be more of a wordy post since I'm lazy to go through any pictures and yes I'm in a writing mood right now. As always, this will be randomly written with no writing orders.

I just finished my first ever varsity year in UKM. (Actually that was weeks ago but I went to Japan so I delayed maybe like 3 weeks?) Through it all I know I'm far from blessed to things and knowledge I learnt and picked up along the way be it academically or through experience.

To me, one year has passed by with not very great impressions and neither it has any impact on me. I can't seem to 'find myself' for the first semester and also the first half of second semester. I only get the impression or feeling that I'm a degree student only starts at the second half of second semester in first year. Which is, 9 months after staying in UKM.

Since then everything started to make sense and I can finally follow the pace of being a degree student. Finally. To me it wasn't that late, I hope. And through some programmes I joined and friends I've met here, I get to know myself more, and what I wanted to achieve in the future seems to get clearer.

Thank God for everything.

Here's a little something off track that I wanna share about myself, this might hurt my future CV I think but I like it better if I'm more honest with my feelings. I don't wanna hide anything about me and I must write this out because I can't keep it for myself.

To be honest, via academically, I didn't quite learn a lot. I thought it might be the way where I see things have affected me to think so and I find it my very big weakness that I have no idea how to change. You see, starting second semester I blame on the academic system where I have to learn business and statistics since it's like not very related to my course. But then it does. It's just me that thinks that I'm no good in learning things related with figures that make me a little bias. So that's me. But I thank God He got me through all without giving up while making complaints. I thank God He gave me chances to learn with a bunch of cute friend and also with Dr.Vivian that sincerely and genuinely guided us through the learning process. Of course I'm not satisfy with the effort or attitude I have for this semester academically, but I'm glad I pull through everything without giving up.

Lesson learnt: I can differentiate what I didn't like but I must learn to upgrade the level of tolerance towards things that I thought I couldn't accept. Not everything you do will suit your likings, despite all changes and differences, you should learn to accept and learn for the better. No rugi too if I have extra knowledge right.

Next. Via hands-on programmes. Throughout this one year, honestly I say, I found out that I have an extreme attitude towards people, if it’s neither ways, then you’re in my neutral list of people.

I normally wouldn't have any opinion towards anybody, until you did something that caught my attention. I've learnt that I have the weaknesses in not being able to tolerate certain attitude and consider you as the ‘bad person’ immediately after you pick on my nerves FOR AFTER SOME PERIOD. I won’t judge you right after you do something wrong, but it kinda piles up and boom, there goes our relationship. Into ashes. Normally after you’re categorized as being so, it will need a lot of time for my opinion to change about one person.

But I normally wouldn't feel sorry for having this kind of attitude. I have my own limits but I cannot deny my way of settling things wasn't as matured enough to stay in the real world. Then again I think that’s being me. I like being honest with myself and towards people. Unless I know you’re the kind that wouldn't listen to other people advises then yes, I would not waste my thoughts or saliva on you.

Lord tells us to forgive our enemies. I can do that with time, but first let God’s love and time heal my wound.

By the way. This post wasn't written to aim on someone particular. It just kinda sums up some thoughts after learning myself better. I’m glad I learnt my weaknesses throughout this one year. I hope through time I’ll change for the better, and I will act more professional in future occurrence. Hopefully the same thing wouldn't repeat though.

Lord help me.