Friday, January 27, 2012

chapter 61 - dingaling Confessions :x

My life routine after High School were somewhat as expected, just what I really felt within after that really seems different. There's no more drama nor enthusiasm, you know what I mean?

I've gone through everyday wondering if my days were fruitful, even though there's classes and courses I attend in Life Engineering which thought me about myself and my relationship with God, I still feel a little, or rather much lost deep down.

It's been 4 months when usual classes ended, and I really miss High School a lot. As much I wanted to go back in time, I too wishes to fast forward this moment into my future too (where my future studying days began duh). Maybe too much time to spare made me think too much, or maybe I've been doubting the choices I made.

I've lost track in reading thick lengthy novels and I really hate it so much for not finishing even two books in one month. I miss Additional Math and Chemistry classes where I used to spend my hours devouring every sentences of the English novels I read. I miss feeling captivated and moved by meaningful sayings written by awesome prolific authors. Back then, I could finish 3 books in one week and by flashing back my reading life after High School, I feel useless. :(

I've created longer distance between friends I used to have and created greater gaps between peoples who I really wanted to meet and talk to. I miss randomly gazing out of the window from class and see what others were doing or say HI to people I know and don't know. I missed the chances I have to talk to Impressive-Someone, or talking crap with the crazy group in and out of class.

I miss singing National Anthem every morning before class and making vows with my left hand while using the other right hand to copy some missed out homework I've not done the day before. I miss Miss Lim Yee classes where Denise used to debate with her and made our whole class laugh out loud while our heart skips a beat when Miss Lim decided to shot her a death glare. I even miss it when classes suddenly drifts out my head and I started day dreaming of who I shall meet later or what shall I eat at the school canteen. ;P

I miss classes that feed my knowledge (or maybe the self revision lol cause I day dream too much). I miss History, English, Chinese, PJ and Biology classes. I miss the people I used to say Hi to and see everyday. I miss looking forward to every moment before the first bell rings and the last bell sang. I miss Assembly, Sports Day, and being force to wake up before the sun rises or even the needs to blow dry my hair every early morning. :(

I miss playing piano and singing during ISCF, and of course, listening to others sing and worship God too. I miss Leo Club and their insane activities which totally boost up my social life. The only regret I have for joining Leo is not to having any ballroom dancing chances with anyone cause I joined on my last year of High School and I'm pretty anti-social myself that time :(

There's too much regret to be list out. But on the bright side, hey, I've made it this far by surviving and not walking like a dead soul. I've bit my lips so hard through every obstacles and cried my heart out whenever I can't stand the pain or afraid to move on. My head spins and turn, I feel like my world's upside down thinking of the chances I've let go. But now, I'm standing here, still a little unbalance, but also learning to tell everyone that I'm fine, and yes, even though I don't feel so.

Okay depressing thoughts, I seriously need to kick their ass goodbye!

Nah. Here. I joined a three months of School Leaver Programme in church called Life Engineering. We learn more about God, and recognize our true self. Of course, learn how to share gospel and gained experience by doing several different jobs. Example, selling accessories in One Jaya, Organizing Charitable Events, Planning a Motivational Talk and coming soon, we'll be working in a Press Centre to lend a little hand in the newspaper production (I'm not really sure about this lol).

The picture below shows us four who joined this years life E's programme :)

Conflicts are hard to avoid but yeah, its what that made our relationship stronger at the END of the day, which I look forward to so much. :(

Followed by the recent celebration - Chinise New Year! Dang I'm very determined to change the whole closet but the Cha-Ching ain't making hard loud sounds this year. So lets go to the thrifty shop and look for pirated goods! LOL we'll see lah. Aiti I'm so lazy -.- I've spend several hundreds of mum's and that stinks.(cause my mum forced me to buy quality goods meh :P) 

First day. A leap over my comfort zone! 

Second day. Forever Nerd and big face. HAHAHA

Messy and thick lengthy hair as always. FYI. The weather's burning hot and damp these days but I dare not to trim it!

Okay others were totally American Tees, British Tees and oh yah a costly American Style Army pants. But I don't really feel like wearing them since I saw so many people's wearing something almost common -.- I really need to work on my fashion senses cause I'm totally hopeless ever since I can't wear pinafore for five days a week now! Shucks. Did I mention I miss wearing school UNIFORM? ;P

March 22nd. I will be back. And this time, I SHALL NOT LET YOU GO. ( unless fate get in the way or I chicken-ed out in the last second D: )

No comments:

Post a Comment