Rounding all up.

Self-realization:  Recently have been overactive on the net where many times I did it unconsciously even in a crucial time like this. Excuse much. Still in the struggle of reducing it. :O

So anyways, I've been urged to write this for some certain purpose. And since my last post was a little depressing, which may picture I'm in a negative situation which I'm not.... Here.

Testimony - College Version

Similar to choosing the secondary school I wanted to go, applying Matriculation seems like one of the things I “feel” like what I’m supposed and always wanted to do. Even when I didn’t know what it’ll be like coming here then. I suppose, no. I believe that God planted this thought in my mind long ago, where, as time passed I can somehow vision my life’s puzzle pieces mixed and matched.

Undeserving but blessed, I got accepted into Matriculation even with not-so-good-SPM-result, and frankly, I always believed that coming here is a second chance given by God. Never before I’ve taken accounting in my life, and not really a great friend with figures and calculation, I was blessed to get good results in the first semester of Matriculation. Never before I’ve really appreciate myself as a mixed blood of Bidayuh and Chinese (Real crazy thoughts back then huh), coming here into Matriculation made me treasured and cherish who I really am and grateful that I was blessed with the experience of living in two types of culture. I was blessed with awesome friends, lecturers, roommates and there’s a lot more to be list out.

At first it was all okay, days passed and I count my blessings every day. Day by day I cling to God, seek Him, praise Him and also crave to find peace in Him. I tried to keep a good testimony as deep down, I intended to influence my dad and also the people’s life I cared so that they can see God’s work on me they could accept Christ into their lives. Until phenomenal occurrence that happened and stories started to spread, my faith begin to shake and slowly, I blinded myself from seeing His grace, deafen myself to hear His words, and numbed myself to feel his presence.

Even though that continued for quite a while, because of the fear still ongoing phenomenal occurrence, never did I dare to skip morning group devotions with other fellowship members and also Sunday Service. I try to force myself to pray, read God’s word. Sad but predictable, all that attempt and effort somehow failed because I received nothing from Him.  There’s still no peace in my heart that I once felt and everything seems to make me feel discontent.

Even so, God’s mercy approached me and I realized my intention of seeking God was wrong. Through humble friends who are with rich wisdom of God, the weekly morning devotion and sharing has actually taught me a lot. I realized that I seek God, crave God and was blessed because I love God, and He loves me. Thank God, with His Great unconditional love, my eyes and ears were opened again.  Even when it all started with the wrong intention, slowly, He now leads me to walk on the right path without fear.

Even with Finals and UPU application that’s constantly bugging the peace in my heart, through God, I’ll stubbornly have faith in Him where I know that He knows my world, my life plan, like the palm of His hands. No matter how future will be, I’ll walk with him and do what I was supposed to by keeping a good testimonial, and let Him to do the rest.

My journey of faith fluctuated dynamically throughout these 10 months, but I thank God, I am constantly overflowing with His blessings, even with the ups and downs.

#little notes and whispers from God that'll get me through the days

Peeeeeeeeeeaas. This will be the last post and I'll continue posting after Matriculation ends. Which is, very very soon. :)

Cheers and God Bless!

Bugged

I'm literally bugged by my own complicated thoughts. Normally I could define my own feelings after just a little while, but this constant change of different thoughts eventually just make me want to throw it all out and shut my mind away from everything.

Ranking top in my worry list is choosing the courses for future studies in university. It's no joke but I really don't like this wide range of choices. I don't like to know that I have a lot of options to choose from. Even though in the end it's not about the best decision I'd make, but the best I'd make out of my decisions, I still can't decide on what to decide. There. Now I'm confused by my own words.

Second. Is this farewell thingy. Less than a month there'll be no more college life for me. Unless I repeat. Lol freak I seriously wouldn't want that day to come. At this point now where my mood is too bugged by certain people and issues, I can't wait to fast forward to the future part where all these were only just memories I sometimes would miss. Like seriously.

Third. My studying progress. Eyebags. Pimples. Wrinkles. Rashes (Hot weather recently) ARE SO UNAVOIDABLE. Even though I'll sleep whenever I can cause that's kinda like a no-win situation even when I forced myself to study. Unlike the first semester, now I refer to notes while I study and having to finish my assignment. I can't be independent on reference books and notes and that actually meant that I'm in very big trouble. Ohdearrrrr.

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Only now I realized that all these time I'm filled with histories and tales telling about how irresponsible they are. How they're unable for us to depend on. How much headaches and heartaches they'll caused in life. Not one, but all of them. Those who I normally encounter, are somehow mutually alike.

After all these years. Finally. I knew why I've been so terrified.

But. What to do even if I've finally found the roots to that particular problem that have haunt me for so long?

Fears are little monsters of your own creation.

I don't know how it'll be tomorrow.
All I know is, every day I've been through, were blessings. Even the days that are yet to come. Is.

Though I may seems to complaint a lot, deep down I know how much I was blessed by His grace.

I was trapped in my own complicated thoughts, sometimes even blinded and not fighting them by His strength. Often I was lost, but in the end I'm always found.

Succumb to fears I swallowed every courage I have. Even when I know there's nothing I should fear in Him. Engulfed by dark sickening visions, but little by little my hands were hold by Him and brought back to light.

Little by little. Step by step. And one day my wings will be strengthen by Him so I'll soar in His glory.

In His will, theres no impossibles where dreams collides with reality.

What If

Dear Claire,

'What' and 'If' are two words as non-threatening as words can be.

But put them together side by side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

What if.. What if.. What if?

I don't know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late.

If it's true then, why wouldn't it be true now?

You need only the courage, to follow your heart.

I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like.

A love to leave loved ones for; A love to cross oceans for.

But I'd like to believe, if I ever were to feel it,

that I'd have the courage to seize it.

And Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love, 

Juliet

Letters to Juliet

KK Trip - 22/12/2012 to 25/12/2012

One of the MUST THINGS to do whenever you're studying away from home. Going for a short trip with friends the schools you're studying at! Take chances, embrace your youth and see the world while you can :) Especially with your peers :)

One advice. Don't go to shopping malls like for the whole trip. Do get into contact with natures, their customs, and must not miss out the spots they recommend you to visit :))))))

21.12.2012

It all started when we left college where we drop off Wui Lok, Lydia and Josiah at the airport to send them home. This guy, Leroy was very kind to send all of us to church to ensure our safety and go back to school on his own.

That night is when we celebrated winter solstice after choir with our conductor sister Angela.

That night, we had a long talk with Reverend Pau also about 因信称义. Learnt a lot. And many of us did the 得救确局's prayer. :)

22.12.2012

Morning ferry 0800am. All of us woke up kinda late but still sempat arrived la. Hee. Then again cause we arrived late, most seat was taken and we all had to sit scatteredly. Lucky for me it's Rais, my lecture mate who sit beside me. And the most lucky thing was he didn't vomit too in that whole boat ride. Cause if he do, for sure I will. :/

Me, Ying Nee, Chloe, Joyce, Freda, Mee Ing, Eileen. 38 tuan (Y)

One trip that bonded our relationship. This geng + Adrian traveled everywhere together :) I'm so lucky to have them had all planned out where I need not to worry a thing at all.

After that we carried all our luggage and walked to Suria. Ate lunch at Upperstar again. Quality maintained, different food but still tastes delicious. (Y) Then we went shopping! Didn't get to follow Freda because she went to Art Festival at the Museum so I follow Carol and Mee Ing instead. They're great shopping partners! Bought quite a lot of stuffs for CNY heee.

After shopping, Xue Ting mum came to pick us up and we send all of our luggage back to University Apartment - grateful for Xue Ting and her family, we stayed at her second home, for free! Still got food, water, bed and aircond. Blessed! Then Xue Ting mum send us to 1 Borneo, and we continue shopping! Until. Most of the shop closed. Lol. That's the day, I had my hair cut short. It looked nice when it's freshly cut and blown dry by the hairdresser, but to be frank, I regretted because I don't like maintaining layered hair. Very very troublesome.

The shampoo guy was great. But the stylish is..................sigh. Fierce like what. First time had my hair being cut in a foreign place and a saloon out of my grandma, I had a not so nice experience. Might not consider to go to other place to do my hair le. Even though grandma's place is old school, at least, she's nice. :/

It's after midnight I think, lucky the other group rent a car so they picked us up from 1Borneo and send us back to Xue Ting's apartment. :)

23.12.2012

Morning we was supposed to directly go to Gaya Street. But the bus uncle brought us here. He said it's a must place to take photos. Haha and he even comment us for not posing. So we did.

Yes. It's the uncle who told us to jump and get our photos taken like this! Haha. He says most people come here took their picture such way :)

First shot failed.

Second shot. I failed to flap my wings. HAHAHAHA

Act choir. I wasn't supposed to be there. Hahah I was suppose to be their pianist lolol

Again, the uncle stopped at the road side and told us to took this picture because it's a place where tourist will stop and take picture. Haha

After many shots. Finally.

A real vintage ice-cream truck outside Gaya street.

Met some matrics friend who came to KK for holiday break trip too. :) Here's also where we met a lot of our lecturers cause they too came for a trip to KK!

Eating while waiting for Freda, Ariele and Xue Ting to arrive at a kopitiam near Gaya Street.

After Gaya Street, we went to Wisma for shopping - heard it's a hot destination where people would choose there to commit suicide :/ scary what. Then we went to City Mall! City Mall's like seriously the place where we meet most KK matric's friend. Haha but the things there were quiteee expensive. A little somehow like Merdeka Plaza. Expensive compare to Suria la. But overall okok la. After Jerry came we continue onnnnnnnnnnnn to

Eat the very famous 生肉面. I really thought it was raw meat. But no lah. Haha pork where can eat raw de lol.

Then we went to Perdana Park to witness the awesome Musical Fountain! While waiting for Jovian to arrive la. Many people gathered there to watch the musical fountain. Very pretty :) Because we're in a gang, so we're all like singing, dancing and fooling around while people watch us with weird faces. Haha. But because we're in a gang and had a chance to do all these together, I enjoyed it a lot.

After that, we went to Tanjung Aru for late night supper. A LOT OF DELICIOUS FOOD WERE SOLD THERE! Haha and I had a great night stroll on the beach :) Very very romantic lahhhhh.

24.12.2012

The day. We went to Ranau, Tamparuli, to Kundasang, Tuaran, Minopok, and Poring. Ahaha I can't remember the sequence lah. Lol.

All of us in the van :)

Once again, on the way, uncle stopped by the road side and asked us to take picture hereeeeeeee 

Same case. Haha but the scenery is very very breathtaking!

We're totally like in the clouds. It's like we're in a foreign country too and the temperature is very low.

Ohhh did I mention? I sat in the front seat of the van beside uncle. Had a clearer view of Sabah.  The scenery there is seriously effortlessly breathtaking. Unlike Sarawak, every places we go are actually flat landscapes. In Sabah, the mountains are kinda below us all the time. We entered the clouds, and are at a very high place above sea level.

Stopped by at Ranau to beli fruits and junk food for pinic at Poring later! Heeee (Y) The fruits there were laid out just on the table of the stalls and there are no need of fridge. Because the temperature is perfect enough for the fruits to keep fresh. Like very cool or what!

Then we reached Poring's Hotspring :)

First pool they jumped in - Rock pool. Not hotspring, but ordinary one. Imagine the temperature is already cold but they jumped into the room temperature pool where it was as cold as the water in the fridge. Hahaha

Jerry even swim while bergegar and Adrian had to struggle coming up from the pool because it was too cold.

So the girl's tougher. Hahaha

There's limited space for the hottub. Finally found one after rock pool! :))

Picnic?

Yeaaa picnic in the water. Haha

Stopped by at Tuaran and ate Tuaran mee. Hehe it's delicious I ordered two plates! :P

After 5 hours + to and fro Poring, we went back, changed our clothes and go to 1 Borneo againnnnn

Filling our sushi cravings at Sushi King :)

Yummmmmmmmmeh

Marco bought me and Freddy Starbucks! :) At the strike of midnight, we wished each other Merry Christmas, in the almost empty 1 Borneo. Haha. Lucky for Marco and his friend Adrian that drives, they send us back to Xue Ting's house again :)

Mee Ing

Ying Nee

Freda

Joyce

Eileen

Adrian

Chloe

Freda Bella Chen

Xue Ting

25.12.2012

Morning ferry, 0800am. We went back, and celebrated Christmas in Church :)

Once again, brothers and sisters of Labuan Methodist Church cooked yummy and home cooked food for us. Blessedddddd :)

There's lots of up and downs in this trip. A little downs only lah actually. We were nearly to miss our ferry going back to Labuan, but thank God he took care of us and we had so much blessings throughout this trip. Where we stay, our transportation, the people we are with, the money we spent, the places we go, the weather, the timing of everything, are all great blessings from God. :)

I don't mind going back again, but I particularly wanted to go to Mount Kinabalu. Sabah, hopefully we'll meet again! :)