It has been a while.
Thoughts of writing were there but I figured I've done too little reading, and my state of mind weren't as great. Now...it seems better than before I'd say.
Last year was a struggle. And thank God this year seems like a turning point and there is a lot to gain than losses. Then I again I'd say it's the state of mind I'm in. This year is filled with many realization, many appreciation, many awakening and being free from all the whys and terrible feelings I've had.
Probably I'd say there are some factors that contributed to the change. Which I'm grateful for are some of the significant achievements this year, such as moving to a house we bought together. Being proposed to, yay hahaha. Spending time with people I love, making little milestone of reading a few self-improvement books. And taking a long break after feeling tired and fed-up of work for some time.
What I really appreciate the most is the changes above somewhat had steer my mind into a healthier direction. Either it's the endorphins or oxytocin lol but I finally understand and believe that the healthy state of mind and well-being I'm at is a choice of mine to have.
By first, acknowledging that I'm in a dark period and then constantly find ways to work towards the light is the greatest thing I can do to help myself.
Of course is to notice those who were by my side and have love me unconditionally. There's a point where I found that I am a toxic person to them and I will lose them if I continue to be an ass and toxic person if I do not stop on complaining about life or throwing tantrum/frustration towards them.
I'm blessed.
I guess I can say I slowly understand the struggles and challenges I had and I am still working to be better.
The key point is to never give up on the battle of having the control over your mind and emotions, and trying to stay as calm and peaceful you can be.
I can run and hide away if I want.
But time is running, I'm getting older by the minute, however my mental age will remain a little kid.
The world has its expectation on me but I try to not let it get to me and scares me away.
I try not to ever rush, and always try to make progress, even if it take just baby steps.
Sometimes you just have to pull yourself out of the pit, and most importantly, to acknowledge your weaknesses, and finally is to give time and make the effort of tackling them slowly.
Well for example, I used to dislike my housemate because I can't stand the different opinions and schedules of cleanliness of the house. So we decided to find a place of our own and that's one challenge down. It seems scary to own a house so young, but honestly, it does more positive than I could've ever imagine. Our own little space has helped us have a peaceful sanctuary to rest and recharge after a long hectic day outside.
That's just one example I can go on but to me this post is lengthy enough I think I should end here.
So to conclude, I guess is as the saying, there's a silver lining behind every cloud. The road to be a mature version of you can be a pain but once you've climbed over that mountain, every sticks and stones that break you will turn into dust. In the condition that you're willing to open your mind to the possibilities, make chance and effort for a better change, in your own timing.
Ha. Bye bubs.
